The Dualshock
by Spagthesis
Summary: Lincoln orders a new controller, only to find an issue with the package once he gets it. Rated T for language.


**Author's note: This one's just a heavy inside joke. Based off a rant I witnessed from a guy on discord.** **Originally posted on my pastebin on 10/21/17.**

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Lincoln waited anxiously by his mailbox one evening. A very important package he had ordered was set for delivery, a brand new dualshock controller. His other one broke recently, so he desired a replacement.

Although, he needed to sign for it once it's arrived, otherwise it would be returned to the post office and he'd have to wait until the next day. The thought of that was terrifying, but thinking more about it, he couldn't possibly miss it if he hung around outside. Besides, it was a nice, cool autumn day anyways, it definitely wouldn't hurt to get some fresh air. Just until he gets that controller at least, then he could go back to blasting bad guys.

So, there he was, sitting on his porch casually with his fat stack of comics. He had plenty of time to kill, so he figured it'd be best spent catching up on some necessary reading.

Time moved by as he consistently read. Minutes constantly passing until it was close to the deadline. The closer he got to it, the shorter his patience became. Not to mention, his stack of comics he needed to finish became much smaller.

Feeling anxious, Lincoln started looking at his phone to check the time every few minutes. If it didn't arrive by 6pm, then this one day delivery thing is just a big scam.

Getting nearer to the limit, it was now 5:50pm. The boy only had ten minutes left.

"Gaah, where is it?!" Lincoln questioned angrily as he paced around his porch.

And then he finally heard something.

His eyes directed to the sound of tires skinning against asphalt. The mailman arrived!

Lincoln gasped, still partly peeved at the close cut, but mostly glad that it finally came.

The boy sauntered over to the mail truck with a grin.

He could see the man stuffing junk mail into his box, then digging through the back of his truck for the parcel.

After grabbing it, he walked over and handed it to Lincoln.

"Package for Lincoln Loud, sign here please." The mailman said.

"That's me." He mentioned while signing for it.

Following getting that done, he dashed back into the house.

Once inside, Lincoln went and snagged some scissors from the kitchen drawer. He couldn't wait to open this bad boy up. It should have been here sooner, yet he wasn't really mad about that anymore. Just holding it in his hands relaxed him. Good things really do come to those who wait.

He began cutting his package open, slicing through the cardboard and soon enough, there it was, his new controller in mint condition. Official brand too, not one of those lame knock offs that are sold online.

Lincoln tore off the plastic and viewed the controller. It was perfect, it even had that neat new smell to it. He felt eager to try it out right away, seriously, just imagining how much better he'd be playing now thrilled him.

Before he could actually use it, he needed the charger. He rummaged through the box looking for it. But it wasn't there. Why wasn't it there?

"There's no wire?! What the FUCK!" Lincoln shouted loudly. So loud in fact, that all of his sisters heard him. He wasn't even aware of how much his voice echoed. The thin walls of the home certainly didn't help.

Footsteps thumping downstairs could immediately be heard. However, it was only a single sister, the one who often shut him down on occasion. The only girl who could really set him straight.

"Lincoln, don't fucking say that word!" Lori yelled, instantly covering her mouth after she cursed, realizing her fault. Drat, she isn't any better than him for saying bad words as well. Of course, foul language could be used among her peers. Around her family, however, it was literally unacceptable.

Lincoln frowned at her for getting on his case for slipping up when she's a potty mouth herself. Still, they're both pretty lucky their parents weren't home. Otherwise, they'd be dead meat.

Before either of them spoke again, a booming noise was heard.

The ground shook immensely, resembling an earthquake.

The two siblings began to panic as they loss their balance, nearly falling down on the floor while the whole house tremored.

"What the heck is going on?" Lori and Lincoln thought.

They received an explanation as a gigantic shadow loomed over the house. It was the one and only leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime, but he wasn't pleased in the slightest.

He glared through the window, staring at the two siblings with a look of great disappointment displayed on his robotic face.

"Hey, you kids, stop cussing! Fuck!"


End file.
